So the Cannons lost. One day, we're gonna make it to the finals. Still, I think I looked pretty good in my new Cannons robes, even though Hermione laughed at me when she saw me afterwards. Managed to drag Harry along with me, even though he's a fan of neither the Cannons nor the Tornadoes. Quidditch is Quidditch, after all. Much as I hate admitting this, he's doing heaps better with Ginny around. THERE. I SAID IT. HAPPY NOW?! STOP BITING MY HEAD OFF, GINNY.

I'm actually starting to feel that things might be getting back to normal now. Just a bit.

Work at the Ministry has been hell lately so it's great that I can fall back on the WWW. George and I opened up a bigger range of stock today. He added the Wicked Wonder Witch to the Wonder Witch line, so these love potions are even stronger than they already are - one sniff and you'll be under the spell. Haha! (Should try these on Hermione.) Also got Slapping Snakes (they attach to your hand by the fangs and slap your arm until you say the counter-charm) and some other novelty stuff. Might be adding more Muggle magic stuff too but we need some of Hermione's help.

We're getting more customers by the day, which is brilliant. I dunno why - it's days like these I get so torn up when I see him; I know he knows that I feel that way, but he never brings it up. Sometimes, I wish he'd talk about it. Not that it's something blokes do you know - principle of the thing and all that. But I know it'd help.

Hermione came over last night. We didn't do much. We were alone together for the whole night and we didn't do anything. Or well, I didn't. She brought her work with her. If I didn't know her any better I'd say she's trying to live in with us again. Here I am being the good boyfriend trying to get some time with my girl and she brings over her work. I mean, what am I supposed to do? It's so hard to tell girls what you want from them without hurting their feelings, since they're so touchy about them. Or maybe it's because I'm so "emotionally incompetent." I would have thought by now I've graduated from being a teaspoon to a saucepan. Could we at least have a snog once in a while, Hermione?

Harry said he'd be working overtime at the Ministry but I know he and my baby sister have struck some sort of 'rendezvous' plan up in Hogsmeade(the things that Twelve Fail-Safe Ways book teaches you)... 'cause she's crafty like that, and he's a randy bugger.

---

On the bright side I bought myself a set of Cannons robes since I was down at Diagon Alley helping George move some Wheezes stuff. Quality Quidditch Supplies has just started showcasing a new range of Quidditch team robes. Bloody hell, I was so rapt I was drooling onto the window pane. Nearly spent all of last week's earnings on Cannons stuff. The queue was worth it. And if I nip into the Ministry early tomorrow morning I might be able to snag some Cannons vs Tornadoes tickets for Saturday. Who's coming?

In all my life I just wanted to be noticed.

Being the uninspiring little brother of everyone, except Ginny - well, it's been something I've had to get used to. Something that I never really did get used to.

It was a bit better when I met Harry. And Hermione.

Now I don't care.

It's funny. My name is actually in the history books now (I'm in The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts (Revised Edition), Modern Magical History (Third Edition), Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century (Second Edition), The Magical Three - How The Dark Lord Was Vanquished ... and God knows what. Not that I'm counting. Hermione knows - she's probably got them in her bookshelf somewhere - can never get past her front door - it's loaded with books).

Dunno what I'm feeling. What I'm supposed to be feeling. The jokes are more forced now. I dunno if it's just a phase or what - that's what Hermione called it. How is it that she can stand up again so quickly? Is it that easy to be deluded into believing what you want so badly?

It's not worth it. Not if it can't bring the people I care about back. I close my eyes and I see the dungeon again. The dampness. The shackles. The screams. The torture. The corridors. The green light.

---

I've decided to help George out at the shop. It's not much of a chore next to the Auror work, and I don't care much about the money anymore (but maybe a bit of me does). Didn't really decide actually, it was just sort of agreed, like I knew it and he knew it and everyone else assumed. It took him a really long time to even step into Diagon Alley. He looks so lost now. Half the time I expect him to Apparate into the Burrow, give Mum a fright and explode some new invention, and all will be well again.

Haven't seen Mum and Dad for a while. Should probably check to see how they're going. But Ginny's good at that stuff.

At least there's comfort in the fact that there are people in my life who really need me. I think I could be happy with that.

I don't ever want to feel helpless and pathetic again.

P.S. I'm still spiffed that my name is in the books though, don't get me wrong.